Jay Lake has passed.
I didn't know him. Not really. I met him a few times, and read every bit of his writing I could get my hands on. I gave him a scarf and a spoon, and followed his life from afar.
I didn't know him, but his passing, especially this weekend, has hit me hard. For such a vibrant man to be laid low by this disease, and for it to take him from us at such a young age, I'm pissed and sad, and I don't want it to be true.
But it is true, and I feel so much for those who did know him. For his partner, his daughter, and the rest of his family. I don't have the words to express how I feel.
I didn't know him. Not really. I met him a few times, and read every bit of his writing I could get my hands on. I gave him a scarf and a spoon, and followed his life from afar.
I didn't know him, but his passing, especially this weekend, has hit me hard. For such a vibrant man to be laid low by this disease, and for it to take him from us at such a young age, I'm pissed and sad, and I don't want it to be true.
But it is true, and I feel so much for those who did know him. For his partner, his daughter, and the rest of his family. I don't have the words to express how I feel.
Sunday night, I had an experience that I want to share.
I had missed my bus, and decided to walk the few blocks to another option for getting home. It was after 11, and very dark, but I wasn't going to let my fear stop me from getting home earlier. So off I went, walking down the street.
When I came up on a bus stop, there was a sketchy guy standing there. So, in my "I can do this but he's sketchy" way, I stepped off the sidewalk to walk around him, thinking nothing of it. Just minding my own business, walking down the dark street. I'm a powerful woman, I don't walk like a victim, no one's going to bother me.
The route I had to take went up onto a dark, shadowed path. Okay, little bit scary, turn down the music in my headphones and keep walking. 50 yards down the path, I realize that there's someone yelling "hey" at me. I pull one side of my headphones down to hear better, and he asks me the time. I'm a polite girl, so I half turn to look at him.
It's the guy from the bus stop. Following me. Yelling at me and trying to get me to stop. On a dark path with many shadows, and no one else around. FUCK.
I keep walking, turning again as I pull my phone from my pocket. Politeness being ingrained in me, I yell the time back to him as I walk a little faster. And he keeps following me. So I call my sister. I wake her up when she has to work in the morning, but I didn't know that before I called and she's good enough as I tell her, loud enough to be heard, what is happening and where I am. My exact location on the path.
The guy finally stops following me. I make it to the lit street, let my sister go back to sleep, and spend the $8 to catch a Lyft home. I'm safe, I'm home, and the people who are posting to my anxiety attack coping mechanism facebook post are supportive. I can finally start to recover myself.
But I didn't post this whole story to facebook when it happened. And so there were holes found, and people leaping to defend the guy who yelled at me, a lone woman on a dark path. Because he asked me the time.
Today, I'm back in anxiety mode. I'm shaking with reaction, and I don't really know how to respond to people. Some have been so super supportive, even people who are still strangers to me and found the post because a mutual friend commented. But those few who even just seem to be coming down on me for my actions are in my head, and I can't get them out.
I had missed my bus, and decided to walk the few blocks to another option for getting home. It was after 11, and very dark, but I wasn't going to let my fear stop me from getting home earlier. So off I went, walking down the street.
When I came up on a bus stop, there was a sketchy guy standing there. So, in my "I can do this but he's sketchy" way, I stepped off the sidewalk to walk around him, thinking nothing of it. Just minding my own business, walking down the dark street. I'm a powerful woman, I don't walk like a victim, no one's going to bother me.
The route I had to take went up onto a dark, shadowed path. Okay, little bit scary, turn down the music in my headphones and keep walking. 50 yards down the path, I realize that there's someone yelling "hey" at me. I pull one side of my headphones down to hear better, and he asks me the time. I'm a polite girl, so I half turn to look at him.
It's the guy from the bus stop. Following me. Yelling at me and trying to get me to stop. On a dark path with many shadows, and no one else around. FUCK.
I keep walking, turning again as I pull my phone from my pocket. Politeness being ingrained in me, I yell the time back to him as I walk a little faster. And he keeps following me. So I call my sister. I wake her up when she has to work in the morning, but I didn't know that before I called and she's good enough as I tell her, loud enough to be heard, what is happening and where I am. My exact location on the path.
The guy finally stops following me. I make it to the lit street, let my sister go back to sleep, and spend the $8 to catch a Lyft home. I'm safe, I'm home, and the people who are posting to my anxiety attack coping mechanism facebook post are supportive. I can finally start to recover myself.
But I didn't post this whole story to facebook when it happened. And so there were holes found, and people leaping to defend the guy who yelled at me, a lone woman on a dark path. Because he asked me the time.
Today, I'm back in anxiety mode. I'm shaking with reaction, and I don't really know how to respond to people. Some have been so super supportive, even people who are still strangers to me and found the post because a mutual friend commented. But those few who even just seem to be coming down on me for my actions are in my head, and I can't get them out.
- Sat, 16:08: What What's it about the smell of acrylic that is so comforting?
- Sat, 16:23: I have the patience of a gnat today. This dies not bode well for mass combat.
- Sun, 08:00: Do you know where your towel is? #TowelDay
- Fri, 20:33: I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now.
- Thu, 20:48: Mild miscalculation on spoons today. I'm going to pass the Fuck out when I get home.
- Wed, 13:14: Ran into @RyanMacklin at @WaywardCoffee when getting my morning coffee. Learned something new about writing. It's a good day.
- Wed, 16:04: Well, we're back to a crawl.
- Sun, 13:38: Hiding from the sun while waiting for the bus. Why haven’t I chopped all my hair off again? http://t.co/9D047VycQ0
- Sun, 13:38: Photo: Hiding from the sun while waiting for the bus. Why haven’t I chopped all my hair off again? from... http://t.co/sQjQoSJsd4
- Sun, 14:02: Gods damned buses. I didn't need to get to work on time or nothing. I even got to the stop early!
- Sun, 18:27: Yep, being alone at work for this long is making me go a little crazy.
- Sat, 16:13: The cable box is finally mine!
- Sun, 11:32: Well, at least I got warning that I'm going to be alone in the lab today.
- Sat, 11:57: It's been a while since I had a "I slept too long" head ache. For all that this hurts....holy hell did I need that sleep.
- Wed, 16:58: I don’t want to go back to work. http://t.co/Z6FHb4HRFs
- Wed, 16:58: Photo: I don’t want to go back to work. from Instagram: http://t.co/uOvmnZZsKS
- Sat, 23:30: Show went great. Afters was good. But someone smashed into the car and made off with the camera. What the hell, world?
- Fri, 12:59: Who's going to Goth Prom?
- Fri, 21:47: Goth Prom!
- Thu, 16:40: Tomorrow I move away from my cat. This hit me like a hammer just a bit ago. I don't want to be at work. I want to be home, cuddling my Ca...
- Tue, 12:56: Dear Migraine, you can fuck off now.
- Mon, 14:03: Making it hard to leave for�work. http://t.co/ppCQcYHX8a
- Mon, 14:03: Photo: Making it hard to leave for�work. from Instagram: http://t.co/H2WVdOUrZN
- Mon, 21:07: Because I needed to cry today. #depression </u
- Sun, 03:25: When it comes to choosing what painkillers to take in order to sleep tonight, I have come to the conclusion that overkill is under rated....
- Fri, 19:44: Best thing brought home from #NorWesCon. Time to start�reading. http://t.co/JNnCwAzkNu
- Fri, 19:44: Photo: Best thing brought home from #NorWesCon. Time to start�reading. from Instagram: http://t.co/PiLuhQUIyP </u
- Tue, 12:46: *sigh* I want cuddles.
- Sat, 20:02: Ow, my knees. #backstage #masquerade #nwc37
- Sat, 20:56: Holy crap! REALLY? OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!
- Sun, 15:55: Today is going to suck. Already on my last spoon.
- Sun, 20:42: Okay girls, I need Tribble pasties for Pride. Who wants to help out?
- Sat, 19:10: Flirting with strangers on the bus is fun, when they're harmless old men.
- Fri, 12:35: Cuddles http://t.co/nHSwkpNWHx
- Fri, 12:35: Photo: Cuddles from Instagram: http://t.co/T7V9ebUW7G
- Fri, 14:48: Ain’t got nowhere to be. Down with pants! http://t.co/QYxbQJDIuE
- Fri, 14:49: Photo: Ain’t got nowhere to be. Down with pants! from Instagram: http://t.co/mrQo2NMcQH
- Fri, 19:02: Pearl is not sure about�this http://t.co/ZWcLQK7hno
- Fri, 19:02: Photo: Pearl is not sure about�this from Instagram: http://t.co/xF3eN2gOZn </u
- Tue, 13:53: Proof that I'm five: buying just the toys at McDonald's because Skylanders and My Little Ponies are AWESOME!
- Sat, 22:19: Dear universe, back the fuck off for a bit, mmkay?
- Sat, 23:22: "The window of opportunity was small, and you ran away."
- Fri, 21:11: @AsmadiGames widdershins and monkeyshines damage designed Cursed muppets inpergula popcorncapybara sadnessforking what spooning knifingspork
- Thu, 12:51: I own not nearly as many books as I did. I still own many. So there is a bag of books that will go to HPB. BE PROUD OF ME! I AM!
- Wed, 21:05: I'm going to take that as a good omen. Went outside to Vape, and heard a PACK of Coyote howling back in the swamp. Didn't see any, but ...
- Thu, 00:03: Packing. Packing sucks. Can I be moved and unpacked now?
- Thu, 11:48: I just donated to KUOW for the first time. This makes me feel AMAZING. Mostly because I actually have the money to do so. I've loved N...
- Tue, 12:23: Just got my first Graze box. Things look tasty!
- Wed, 00:11: Today, my Grandpa would have been 100. I miss him so much, and wish that I could have hung out with him more. Gotten more stories about t...
- Sun, 20:48: So damned tired.
- Sat, 12:23: Ready to celebrate 30�years. http://t.co/QJXzQq51bc
- Sat, 12:23: Photo: Ready to celebrate 30�years. from Instagram: http://t.co/RMSRGdyUes
- Sat, 18:28: GREEN AND GOLD! http://t.co/j7jtrJ2OfG
- Sat, 18:28: Photo: GREEN AND GOLD! from Instagram: http://t.co/H0cfyobSMD </u
- Tue, 13:02: Guys, I have ~$20 to spend on Nook books. WHAT DO I BUY?!
So, I decided I needed to make a new leather journal old in record time. Here are the before and after pictures.
Here it is, brand new, just bought.
And here it is after I took a pair of emery boards to it.
Here it is, brand new, just bought.
And here it is after I took a pair of emery boards to it.
- Current Mood:
accomplished - Current Music:Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
- Mon, 17:26: RT @VioletDeVille: Chesty La Rue takes a few moments to do what must be done. Monsters, Merkins & Mayhem. #burlesque #monstersmerkins ht ...
- Tue, 04:06: Just watched a child put a sticker on her hard cover book. Just died a little inside. #bibliophileblues
- Sat, 20:09: The sound of sleeping gamer boys in my living room. Such sweet snoring. I hope they're not dying. Holy CRAP they're loud.
- Sat, 21:56: Went to knitting store. Bought new needles. Succeeded in not buying any more yarn. #Victory #newprojects
- Sun, 05:53: Fuck people who can't own there own shit. I mean really. Do not place all the blame on others for your own fuck ups.
- Fri, 18:45: I am awake. I am about to be caffienated. Soon, I will shower. And then? Then, I will organize storage. Because that's how I roll.
- Fri, 23:17: Emergency! We need a door person! "I'm on it." #Burlesque #Itsalife
- Sat, 01:30: Every single people of you locals needs to get down the the Rendevous for #Vaginomicon. It's going to be great $5 suggested cover.
- Sat, 02:18: And now I learn lights and sound. #showtime #energenciesarefun
- Sat, 02:32: Don't have to learn a new skill!!!!
- Sat, 02:41: "I need someone to glue teeth on my panties." #burlesque
- Sat, 03:54: And the show is live. Woot!
- Sat, 05:26: Drunks singing alkng to yellow submarine. Hilarious.
- Sat, 06:27: Talking viruses after the show. This is the life. #ilovemyjob
- Sat, 09:01: @mythbustercats I loves you!
- Thu, 19:09: Good morning, twitterverse. What am I going to do today?
- Thu, 19:40: RT @seananmcguire: Please, I am begging you, DO NOT buy DISCOUNT ARMAGEDDON before March 6th. Please.
- Thu, 19:53: DO NOT BUY THE BOOK! “@seananmcguire: Please see this entry for the current situation with books shipping early: http://t.co/zttFJgOd”
- Fri, 02:26: Did you know that there is a point at whish MS Word's spellcheck cries Uncle and gives up? Neither did I until today.
- Wed, 16:37: Good morning twitterverse. I'm on my way to work. This is kinda cool. Now if I can just stay caffienated.
- Wed, 16:47: I was just approached by a johavoh's witness at the bus stop. They are now warning people and giving guidance about social networking. Cool
- Wed, 16:50: No, I'm not into that kind of thing. I approve any and all non preachy messages to keep it to yourself. #googleisforever
- Wed, 17:04: Holy crap! Someone else on the bus has an original #Zune! I thought I was the only one left! #microsoftrules
- Wed, 17:25: Bald eagle soaring above my head as I arrive at work. Good omen.
- Wed, 19:55: Having actual, physical work is awesome. But my shoulders do not like. #owwieithurts #passthepainkillers
- Wed, 19:57: This is so cool! "@ChrisLegeros: Floodwaters pour over Snoqualmie Falls! http://t.co/c4Xd4l9f"
- Wed, 20:00: So cute! "@EmergencyPuppy: Baby penguin, hanging out. http://t.co/JB3gLny3"
- Wed, 21:19: RT @adampknave: HAHAHAHA “If we legislate women’s bodies, it’s only fair that we legislate men’s,” http://t.co/J0I0wU1F
- Wed, 22:59: "@KIRO7Seattle: NEW: Child shot at Armin Jahr Elem. in Bremerton is being transferred to Harborview http://t.co/R0qN7wRV". #theworldsucks
asthecrowfly asked me to write up my experiences with Grave's Disease. And my lack of Thyroid functionality. So, I share. Cause it makes a decent essay type dealie.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pre-diagnosis
What led to my diagnosis was the fact that I was sleeping 15-18 hours a day. At first, I thought it was just depression, as that is a common this with me. But after a few weeks, my husband made me go to the doctor about it. She thought I had Hypothyroidism, a lessened response from the thyroid. So we got me checked. In actual fact, I had Graves Disease, a severe case of Hyperthyroidism that can cause the body to eat away at itself.
Treatment
This led to talking to an Endocrynologist about my options. My thyroid levels were too high to treat with medication, so it was either have it removed, or kill it. The way we would kill it would be for me to ingest a capsule of Radioactive Iodine, which would get soaked up by the Thyroid, which loves iodine. This was the option we went with, though it too many trips to the doctor to figure it all out.
So I took the Iodine, and waited. I waited a month, as I didn’t feel any better, but started to actually feel worse. This was good news, oddly, as it meant my Thyroid was dying. And after a month, it was confirmed deceased, and we started me on the medication that I would take for the rest of my life.
This was a long process, as we had to find the right dosage, and Levothyroxine, the drug they had me on, is a finicky bitch. Off by two microns, and it throws the entire system off whack. But after only 6 months, I was on the right dosage.
Living with no Thyroid
I live in fear that my medication will no longer be covered by insurance. I live in fear that I will run out. Because the feeling of not being on my meds, and having that hormone imbalance, is not a fun one. I get grumpy, then bitchy, then the world goes sideways. I can’t think of anything less fun. It’s as if something important is missing, and it is. I still have the organ, but it’s not doing anything. It’s entirely useless. But it’s being gone is one of the most important things in my life.
- Tue, 19:33: RT @seananmcguire: Want a little InCryptid goodness to take the edge off? Check out this page of wonders: http://t.co/HCKLTuBq
- Tue, 22:04: I'm sorry little squirell. You planted your peanut, and it didn't grow. Maybe next year. And not in my flower pot.
- Wed, 05:50: RT @FranciscoNYC: Know a young person in crisis? Contact @TrevorProject. Chat, email or call 24/7 Lifeline. #ItGetsBetter @MTVact @ItGet ...
- Sun, 19:13: Good morning all. I am out of bed. Today, is D&D. Is a good day.
- Sun, 22:14: "This is what happens when you're not in the hut." #d&drandomness
- Sun, 22:29: This is the most apathetic party of adventurers EVER.
- Sun, 22:36: New D&D power. Flaming Beard.
- Sun, 23:05: Transported to Skull Port. And I antagonize the squid man. I love my chaotic good thief.
- Sun, 23:11: "Your momma was a cyclops" said to a beholder. No.
- Mon, 00:00: Best D&D companion EVER. http://t.co/tjY4HWQ7
- Mon, 00:28: "How far by motorboating?"
- Mon, 00:32: Adventures in getting to Waterdeep by dingy. Yes, we can't breath we're laughing so hard.
- Mon, 01:01: Successfully ditched the dingy on the dock owner!
So, you will likely be seeing more posts under this heading. I have found myself a new hobby. Knitting. It is a wonderful hobby that i can take with me anywhere. And I feel accomplished at it fairly shortly after starting a project. I'm even considering getting into spinning my own yarn as well.
This is something that I would suggest to anyone of either gender who is like me and always has to be doing something with their hands. It's something that you can do that won't annoy significant others or housemates with while you do things like watch a movie.
Posted via LjBeetle
This is something that I would suggest to anyone of either gender who is like me and always has to be doing something with their hands. It's something that you can do that won't annoy significant others or housemates with while you do things like watch a movie.
Posted via LjBeetle
- Sun, 02:43: I'm at Wallingford Boys & Girls Club (1310 N 45th St, Stone Way N, Seattle). http://4sq.com/cP2uVm
- Sun, 04:16: Sitting at the front desk at game to claim your donations. Hurray for my G2!
- Fri, 19:36: @jenniferbrozek Having just watched the first half of Angel season 2....the sacrifices don't start happening for another decade.
- Sat, 05:49: I just helped @nathanfhtagn out of his strappy boots. I am a happy fangirl.
- Sat, 11:29: RT @jenniferbrozek: 3am and I have had the all time best birthday party and evening ever. Seriously. The awesome is too much for words r ...
- Wed, 06:11: I'm at Rickshaw Restaurant & Lounge (322 N 105th St, at Greenwood Ave, Seattle). http://4sq.com/4vgDSz
- Wed, 06:11: I just unlocked the "Newbie" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/g1mx0Y
- Sun, 06:00: RT @nprnews: Switching Gears: More Commuters Bike To Work http://n.pr/gDF3JS
- Fri, 23:12: @cmpriest Finished Dreadnaught in a day and a half. Beautfiul writing, and an "I hate you" ending. Mostly because the next bokk isn't out.
- Sat, 06:54: My new phone is now functioning as a phone!
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